In our adoption class we were told that anniversaries can be rough for kids, even if they were just toddlers when adopted. They tend to act up a little more than normal. Thankfully a little extra love and reassurance does the trick. But it is interesting to me that even a little one tunes into this even when they don't understand months and dates like that.
I read the blog of another woman the other day and I came across her retelling of they day her son prayed for another orphan. He saw a photo of an orphan and he got upset. His mom asked if he would like to pray for the baby and he proceeded to pray "God, baby hurt--give daddy...and mama..." "No starvin God" he prayed this over and over finishing with "Amen!" (I recommend reading the full story for yourself.) Here is the part the really got me: he was only 20 months at the time and obviously was younger when brought home. I used to think that a toddler couldn't understand or at least that they would forget. Naturally memories fade, but this little boy was praying that God would give this baby a mom, a dad, for protection, for food, and a family. He understood. He knew what he had been through. He hadn't just been through trauma; he remembered it. He understood. I'm not sure how to explain how that hits me.
The beautiful thing is that he developed a heart for others experiencing the same. I can only pray the same for our children.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
What to expect: We might face rejection.
Thankfully many people have walked this road before us. We attended a required 2 day class with our agency. One day was about adoption in general and the other was about adopting older kids. I have also learned so much from other people's blogs telling their own stories.
It is easier for me to tell you about these things now while they are hypothetical. Once they become real they will also become personal. I will want to respect our children's privacy and as such I do not plan on sharing all the details. But these details can be helpful if you are thinking through adoption. So I will try to share these things now when I can talk about them in general.
So today I will tell you about one thing that we have been told to expect. Because we are adopting older children, our children might very possibly reject one of us. It is most likely to be me. It is possible that our children will have had bad experiences with men in which case Josh might be the subject of rejection. It is more likely that they will have had less exposure to men in which case a relationship with a man would be a novelty. If our children have spent any significant amount of time in an orphanage (which is likely), it is possible that they might see a female caretaker as someone who feeds you but not does stick around for the tough stuff. So it is very possible that they will reject me. I have heard about this happening with others and for those who did not expect it they naturally took it pretty hard. I hope that expecting this would make it less painful for me. I don't know how it could be not painful at all as you would be both rejected and know that your child has experienced pain that no child should experience that would lead him/her to feel this way. So in this way I expect to be broken hearted. The hope that comes with this is that you will be able to teach them to trust again. But it will take time to prove to them that it really is safe to love us both.
Sorry, this is not really a cheery subject. But is something that I am sharing with you now because if/when it becomes personal, I might choose not to share.
It is easier for me to tell you about these things now while they are hypothetical. Once they become real they will also become personal. I will want to respect our children's privacy and as such I do not plan on sharing all the details. But these details can be helpful if you are thinking through adoption. So I will try to share these things now when I can talk about them in general.
So today I will tell you about one thing that we have been told to expect. Because we are adopting older children, our children might very possibly reject one of us. It is most likely to be me. It is possible that our children will have had bad experiences with men in which case Josh might be the subject of rejection. It is more likely that they will have had less exposure to men in which case a relationship with a man would be a novelty. If our children have spent any significant amount of time in an orphanage (which is likely), it is possible that they might see a female caretaker as someone who feeds you but not does stick around for the tough stuff. So it is very possible that they will reject me. I have heard about this happening with others and for those who did not expect it they naturally took it pretty hard. I hope that expecting this would make it less painful for me. I don't know how it could be not painful at all as you would be both rejected and know that your child has experienced pain that no child should experience that would lead him/her to feel this way. So in this way I expect to be broken hearted. The hope that comes with this is that you will be able to teach them to trust again. But it will take time to prove to them that it really is safe to love us both.
Sorry, this is not really a cheery subject. But is something that I am sharing with you now because if/when it becomes personal, I might choose not to share.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Single digits!!!!
As of last night, I now have only 9 classes to attend in order to complete my master's degree. Single digits!!! I estimate that between homework, reading, and class time I have about 100-120 hours left to put in.
I can totally see the light at the end of the tunnel. And on the other side of it is a trip to Mexico to celebrate! I can't wait!
I can totally see the light at the end of the tunnel. And on the other side of it is a trip to Mexico to celebrate! I can't wait!
Our homestudy is complete!
Our homestudy is officially complete! This is a huge milestone. I am so glad to be done with it.
What next? Next our agency sends a form to the US government requesting permission for us to immigrate kiddos. I am told it takes about 2 months to get approved. After that we officially go on the waitlist.
In the meantime I am still working on our dossier. This the set of documents for the Ethiopian government. I have gotten everything authenticated except 2 documents, which are our medical forms. I got them once already but the WA Secretary of State rejected them because the notary's seal did not have an expiration date on it. It took me 3.5weeks to get them the first time so I was pretty happy to find out that they were ready again for the second time in less than a week. But.... they spelled my name wrong. So I left a voicemail this morning letting them know that I needed it done a third time. Third time's a charm, right?!
I have been told that the Ethiopia program coordinator from our agency will be contacting me withing the next couple of days to go over anything else.
We are making progress!!!
What next? Next our agency sends a form to the US government requesting permission for us to immigrate kiddos. I am told it takes about 2 months to get approved. After that we officially go on the waitlist.
In the meantime I am still working on our dossier. This the set of documents for the Ethiopian government. I have gotten everything authenticated except 2 documents, which are our medical forms. I got them once already but the WA Secretary of State rejected them because the notary's seal did not have an expiration date on it. It took me 3.5weeks to get them the first time so I was pretty happy to find out that they were ready again for the second time in less than a week. But.... they spelled my name wrong. So I left a voicemail this morning letting them know that I needed it done a third time. Third time's a charm, right?!
I have been told that the Ethiopia program coordinator from our agency will be contacting me withing the next couple of days to go over anything else.
We are making progress!!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Last textbook
I bought what I believe will be my last book for school... ever. I thought you might like to see it. Yes, I am serious. My final case study for my oral exams is completely statistics oriented. I wanted to make sure that I did not make any basic mistakes. So I found a book that covers all the basics. :)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Who are you?
I found a new feature of blogspot today. It is your history of pageviews. It even tells me where these people are from. I am so very curious as to who you all are. Don't worry, I purposely made my blog open to the public. I know that strangers can read this. I hope they/you do. I just wish I knew who you are! :)
622 US - this is easy
66 Canada - probably family?
39 Russia - my mom, anyone else?
13 Singapore - is that you Lynn?
5 China
4 Nicaragua
2 Brazil
2 Guam
1 Israel
1 Slovenia
You don't have to tell me who you are but I would so love to hear from you if you would!
622 US - this is easy
66 Canada - probably family?
39 Russia - my mom, anyone else?
13 Singapore - is that you Lynn?
5 China
4 Nicaragua
2 Brazil
2 Guam
1 Israel
1 Slovenia
You don't have to tell me who you are but I would so love to hear from you if you would!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I've thought about adopting but...
When I tell people about our plans to adopt I often hear "i've thought about adoption but...". I do know that adoption is not for everyone but I so wish that everyone would think about it. I mean really think about it. There are 167 million orphans in the world. And everyone of them deserves a home. Everyone of them is loved by God. Have you ever thought about how much it must pain God that 167 million of his littlest children are without parents to love and protect them?
Is adoption expensive? Yes
Is adoption a lengthy process? Yes
Is adoption an intrusive process? Yes
Is adoption difficult? Yes Yes Yes
Is adoption intimidating? Yes
Should you be a responsible adult and think through the realities of adoption? Yes
Am I missing something? YES, we are talking about a child. A human being. Think about how much work your kids are or even a dear friend or sibling. (All relationships are work.) Can you imagine not having that person in your life because they are too much work? If your loved one needed an expensive life saving operation and years of therapy, would you hesitate for even a moment? So how is a child's life any different? Because you don't know them... yet.
Please think about adoption. It is not for everyone but it is for many.
If you know that adoption is not for you directly you can still support adoption. They say "it takes a village" and it really does when adopting. I was reading a blog about a woman who was describing all the ways that people had helped their family. (Every little bit counts, 9/24/10) She writes about the doctor in their town that donates 4 physical per month to adoptive parents (part of the paperwork process) and how anyone can give of their talents and/or time.
I thought about writing this for a while but then I thought "no, we don't need any help, i don't want to ask for handouts". My pride was stopping me. But I realized that the point is not needing help. The point is about people having the opportunity to be a part of something that is big. Really big. Many years ago we were able to help out one family with their adoption. I know without a doubt that God would have facilitated their adoption with or without our involvement. But we were privileged to be a part of it. I have their photo on my wall at work and every time I see it I remember them. Although they are on the other side of the world I feel so connected to them and know that I always will.
I don't say this with regards to us specifically. If you want to support adoption, just look around you. There are people adopting everywhere. I'm sure there is a way that you could help them. And I am sure that you would be blessed by that connection you would develop with them.
Is adoption expensive? Yes
Is adoption a lengthy process? Yes
Is adoption an intrusive process? Yes
Is adoption difficult? Yes Yes Yes
Is adoption intimidating? Yes
Should you be a responsible adult and think through the realities of adoption? Yes
Am I missing something? YES, we are talking about a child. A human being. Think about how much work your kids are or even a dear friend or sibling. (All relationships are work.) Can you imagine not having that person in your life because they are too much work? If your loved one needed an expensive life saving operation and years of therapy, would you hesitate for even a moment? So how is a child's life any different? Because you don't know them... yet.
Please think about adoption. It is not for everyone but it is for many.
If you know that adoption is not for you directly you can still support adoption. They say "it takes a village" and it really does when adopting. I was reading a blog about a woman who was describing all the ways that people had helped their family. (Every little bit counts, 9/24/10) She writes about the doctor in their town that donates 4 physical per month to adoptive parents (part of the paperwork process) and how anyone can give of their talents and/or time.
I thought about writing this for a while but then I thought "no, we don't need any help, i don't want to ask for handouts". My pride was stopping me. But I realized that the point is not needing help. The point is about people having the opportunity to be a part of something that is big. Really big. Many years ago we were able to help out one family with their adoption. I know without a doubt that God would have facilitated their adoption with or without our involvement. But we were privileged to be a part of it. I have their photo on my wall at work and every time I see it I remember them. Although they are on the other side of the world I feel so connected to them and know that I always will.
I don't say this with regards to us specifically. If you want to support adoption, just look around you. There are people adopting everywhere. I'm sure there is a way that you could help them. And I am sure that you would be blessed by that connection you would develop with them.
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