Ghana - What I learned today

So as you know, we have switch to Hopscotch Adoptions. With this agency change is a change of countries. So I have been doing some research on the country of Ghana. Here is what I have learned today:

A person from Ghana is Ghanaian.

Independence (from the UK): March 6, 1957

Currency: Cedis; currently 1.4 Cedis to 1 US$

GDP: $1,500 per capita; 201st in the world (comparision: US is 11th; Ethiopia is 218th)

Population: 24.3 million (comparision: Texas has 24.8 million)

Size: Slightly smaller than the state of Oregon

Literacy (among those over age 15): 57.9%

Time difference: 7hrs ahead of Pacific Time. When we go to bed they are about to wake up. When we eat breakfast they are eating dinner.

Life expectancy: 60.5 years

Religion: Christian 68.8%; Muslim 15.9%; Traditional 8.5%; Other .7%; None 6.1%

Languages: Asante 14.8%; Ewe 12.7%; Fante 9.9%; Boron 4.6%; Dagomba 4.6%; Dangme 4.3%; Dagarte 3.7%; Akyem 3.4%; Ga 3.4%; Akuapem 2.9%; Other 36.1% (now I have a BA in Linguistics and I had never heard of any of these.... maybe I should have paid more attention in school...)

Source: CIA World Factbook

Moving on

One of the details that I left out of my earlier post, was that the 4 siblings we saw were in Ghana and with a different adoption agency. Picking an agency the first go round was difficult. It felt like such a scary decision as the agency you work with is your median between you and your adoption and can really make or break the experience. So the idea of changing agencies was equally intimidating.

I read everything I could find about Hopscotch Adoptions (the new agency) and went to yahoo adoption group for parents adopting/adopted from Ghana and asked if anyone knew anything about Hopscotch. I found good things and we felt comfortable with making the change. But we had told ourselves that we would not change agencies unless a sibling group compelled us to do so.

After the past few days we were left wondering why God would have allowed the events of the past two weeks to have occurred. We are still not clear on that but we do feel that it was for a reason. And we feel the need to move forward on faith. So we will be switching over to Hopscotch Adoptions' Ghana program. This means more paperwork and a little more money but it is also exciting. I can't explain it but it feels like the beginning of something truly big.

Well that's where we are at. We will continue to update you as we progress along our little journey. Thank you for all the support and encouragement we have received, especially lately.


Here is a little bit of info on Ghana: (copied from www.rainbowkids.com)
Ghana is a beautiful country about the size of Oregon. The ancient and historically significant country of Ghana is one of the five African nations along the northern coastline of the Gulf of Guinea. It is bordered on the west by Cote d'Ivoire, on the north by Burkina Faso, and on the east by Togo. The country consists mostly of low-lying savannah regions, with a central belt of forest. Children reside in orphanages or foster homes.

The children available for adoption from Ghana are generally age 2.5 and up. Occasionally babies do become available. Sibling sets and older children are also in need of forever families.

Married couples may adopt from Ghana. The country does not permit adoption by single parents. Parents must be between the ages of 25 and 50 and at least 21 years older than the child/children they wish to adopt.

The process is two trips or one longer trip of 6-8 weeks. The first trip is a short stay of around 5 days and 3-4 weeks later returning for a second trip of 10-14 days.

An adoption from Ghana is typically completed 6-9 months from dossier submission.

Been talking with God

Today we went to church and almost immediately I started crying again. I'm telling you, this crying in public this is getting really old. As the church began to sing I just stood and read the words:

Lead me to the cross
Where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to you
Lead me, lead me to the cross

I've been talking with God alot this weeknd...

How many times I have I sung this before?
Bring me to my knees.... Fine, I'm on my knees.
Ok! I admit it! I didn't mean it!
I didn't actually want to be brought to my knees!
I didn't mean it!
These words felt so loud in my head I actually expect those around me to turn and look at me.
Why is this so difficult? I am trying to do the right thing!
How could you dangle that carrot in front of me and then take half of it away!?!
Why would you let me fall in love with their little faces?
I want your blessings but I still want control! How can I let go?
It's too much to ask...

It made me realize something. After being disappointed just one time I am ready to build a wall around my heart, to not get too attached. One of the most difficult parts of bringing home older adopted children is getting them to let down their gaurd. They have been disappointed and let down so many times that they are in survival mode. Not only trying to survive with food and shelter but also trying to protect their little hearts. After just one heartbreak I am skidish. How much harder will it be for them? How long will it take for them to feel safe? To believe that it is true and not going to get yanked away?

I have no idea how we are going to navigate the road ahead. Yes, I know: God has a plan. But do you know how hard it is to follow Gods plan when you have to make big decisions along with way? Please pray that we will be able to make the right decisions, that we will be able to hear God's voice, and of course please pray for our children-to-be.

Unexpected heartache

This is so much more difficult than I could have ever predicted. Yesterday I was on top of the world. Life was so good. And even in that moment I realized that a fall from so high would really hurt... and I was right. Today I anxiously checked my email for the news I had been dying to get; only what I read was not at all what I expected.

Since the early years of our marriage we have planned on adopting a sibling pair at one time. We never felt the strong need for an infant so we figured it made sense to keep a pair together. A couple of years ago I started thinking 4... yes 4 siblings all at one time! I don't know why 4. I remember specifically discussing it one day in the car and Josh saying that he would be open to it but it would be many many more years before we could afford it. I didn't want to wait that long so I said let's just plan on 2. But the nagging in my head, and most of all my heart, never went away. Lately it had felt stronger and stronger. Josh said that he was okay with it and we agreed that we could find a way to make it work financially. So we started to pursue the possibility.

Three weeks ago we were moved from the homestudy department of our agency over to the Ethiopia department. Two weeks ago our case worker called us to give us an intro to the program. During this she informed us that sibling groups of 2 are common, groups of 3 are rare, and they have never seen a group of 4. I know she was just trying to be realistic but we felt like she was pressuring us to give up any thoughts of 3 or 4 siblings. I felt torn. I didn't know what to do. As I have said before, I believe that God speaks through our hearts. He doesn't boom down from heaven. Rather he speaks softly in a voice that can be heard if you stop and listen quietly.

A month ago, or so, I stumbled across the blog of a woman who had adopted 4 at once. It is such a unique thing that I asked if we could email and she kindly obliged (which is big as I am a stranger and she has 7 kiddos to consume her time). So after our call with our case worker I emailed her. I told her how I felt torn and asked her to pray. I had felt strongly the need to ask her specifically for this help. She agreed and also suggested that I check out a website called rainbowkids.com. I had never heard of it. So I looked, and there were 4 beautiful faces. They were labeled "SIBLING GROUP OF 4". Now I believe God speaks softly but I also believe that at times he is very obvious. This felt obvious. We requested more information 11 days ago. We were told that the agency did not have details but that they were requesting details for us and would update us asap. At that point we did not know anything about them including their ages. We were guessing 3-10. We talked about it, prayed, thought, repeat, repeat, repeat. Their faces were in my minds eye everyday. A few days ago we were at the point that we were almost ready to commit to them in spite of so little information. We were ready to go. We were so ready.

Today I checked my email and there it was! Finally the answers we had been waiting for. Only it was not at all what I had waited for. The email stated that the 2 oldest are 8 and 10 years old but that the 2 youngest were no longer available. I was stunned to say the least. I shot back a reply to ask why and how. She explained that she did not have the details but that likely a family member said they could care for 2 of them but not all of them. At first I just stared. I didn't feel anything. And then it hit me. I started crying. And then I cried harder and then harder. Now let me note: I was at work. My office has 700 people and NO one has an office no matter their rank. Its just a big cubicle farm. I think this might teach me not to check my personal email at work. That was at about 9:15am. It is now 8:30pm and my eyes still burn, that salty scratchy feeling.

Thankfully I work with many dear friends. They all comforted me in their own way. Many said words to the effect of "God has a plan for you, he will bring you your children." I knew it to be true. And if the situation was reversed I probably would have said the very same words. And yet they were of no comfort to me.

We had long ago agreed very firmly that we would never split up a sibling group. Now in this case these kids are split up no matter what. In fact that is very common and we knew that. But we had said that we would never be the ones to do the splitting and so initially my mind was spinning so hard that both our immediate reactions was "no way, we can't take the 2 without the other 2". Of course the 2 little ones getting to stay with their family is a good thing. But we had let ourselves fall for them. When I first showed Josh their picture he said he didn't want to see any pictures. He said that he didn't want to fall for them until he knew it was for sure. But how can you choose who you adopt without knowing anything about them? Now I feel the same way.

I believe that God blesses adoption. In fact, I believe that he is the master of adoption having adopted all of us and loving us regardless of all our unlovable moments. But I do not believe that God designed adoption. I don't think it was in his design for a child to ever be without loving parents, in need of adoption. "Choosing" your children is not natural. It doesn't even feel right. How can we choose?

I do know that God has a plan for us. I do believe that He already knows exactly who our children are. But I am still brokenhearted. I thought we had found them. It seemed so perfect. I was so excited. At some time in the future we will look back at this and see that this was all a part of bringing us to the point we need to be to find our kids. But I am still hurting. It will pass. It already hurts less. But I never expected this heartache.

Operation Christmas Child

Have you ever heard of operation Christmas child? It is the program that delivers shoe boxes filled with gifts to children all around the world. Josh has an annual tradition of attending a charity golf tournament with our old church. The proceeds of that tournament go to support operation Christmas child. This year I made up a shoebox for him to take with him and donate at the tournament.

Last Sunday our church made an announcement about operation Christmas child and how they would be gathering boxes again this year. And suddenly I started crying. All I could think was "I wonder if our kids will get one this year". I've told you before that adoption can bring with it inconvenient emotions that strike at any time and without warning.

So when you give in the future, to whatever cause, remember that you are not just parting with your money and/or time. Remember that you are giving to someone, to a person, to someone's child, maybe even to our children without even knowing it, and most certainly to a child of God.

Want to hear a funny story?

Want to hear a funny story? This has nothing to do with adoption or finishing school. Just one of my clumsier moments in life.

This Sunday we were about to run out the door to church. At the last moment I decided I should take some medication. Josh was already out in the car. So I grabbed what appearred to be an almost empty water bottle. (We often have 1/2 empty ones laying around just waiting to make their way to recycling.) I always get the water in my mouth first and then pop the pill through my lips. So I took a big swig of water... or what I thought was water. Right away I knew something wasn't right but I couldn't figure out what. It tasted funny so after a few seconds (probably a couple seconds too many) I ran over to the sink to spit it out. Then my mouth started to burn and I knew what it was.... pure Russian vodka!

Ok, rewind a couple of months. I have had this decorative Russian decanter full of vodka for years. A few months ago I had some friends over for a girls night. We were testing out some mixed drinks and were in need of vodka for the recipe. So I opened up the good stuff. Well the bottle got to a point where there was only a little bit left and it was difficult to pour out of the decorative container. So I poured the remainer into an empty water bottle and put it up in the cupboard. Saturday night Josh can across this bottle in the cupboard and thought I had lost my mind again so he sat it out on the counter.... where I grabbed it and took a huge mouthful thinking it was water!

Well that was a surprise! I came out to the car still sputtering. Boy did Josh laugh when he heard the story!

Accept into the Ethiopia program

We have been officially accepted into the Ethiopia program! This doesn't really mean anything other than our paperwork has moved from the homestudy department of our agency to the Ethiopia department. But its progress!



We got a call from our case manager called us and went over things. I don't think we really learned anything new except for what is normal in terms of siblings. We learned that sets of 2 is common. They have placed a few groups of 3 in the past but she doesn't remember them ever placing a group of 4. This was interesting. Maybe a group of 4 will come along and since it is very rare that anyone ever specifically say that they are interested in a group of 4 it would seem like a sign from above, don't you think? My mind has been kind of stuck on 4 lately. But then again maybe they are 2.... It is more common and financially and logistically easier.... But then again I don't think that matters. God's plan for us is his plan. So time will tell. :)