Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I have been feeling squirrelly this past week. Yes, I know "squirrelly" is not a real word. Josh and I were just discussing how to spell it. To clarify he said "like you have squirrels running around in your stomach". I told him it is more like I have squirrels running around in my head, but yes. I am feeling squirrelly for our 4. I don't really know how to explain what I am feeling. It is not quite that I am anxious, although that is true. It is not quite that I am longing for them, although that is true. They have just been on my mind. There are times when I think about them often and at times not as much. Sometimes I suddenly feel overwhelmed and anxious for them. Sometimes I long to hug them and it is all that I can see in my mind because all other thoughts are overshadowed by this image. And right now I feel squirrelly for them. I often wonder if these feelings are just me and my naturally anxious mind and heart. I wonder if these feelings are connected to what is going on in their little lives. Is this the day that they are abandoned? Is this the day that a parent dies? Is someone taking advantage of the fact that they don't have anyone to protect them? When I let myself ask these questions I start to cry. I know the facts; Our children will have been hurt by the events that lead them to our arms. I have to remember that our God is watching them and that He is the master healer. And while I do know that, my mind spins and I feel squirrelly for our 4... wherever they are.