Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Not sure what I expected...

I've read so much about adoption and I'm sure I will read much more. One common theme is often referred to as "why grandma can't hold baby". The subject is about trying to explain to family and friends why they need to give you space to bond. The number of classes and books dedicated to this subject, often with that exact name or some version of it, made me very nervous about how our family and friends would react. Would they understand or would they pressure me to be "normal" even when I know that the emotions my kids are going through are not normal? There is nothing normal about getting a "new" mom and dad or about trying to determine if you are safe and loved using the logic of a child. I've talked about this before but I had no idea how many times I would have to explain before others would understand and respect our family's needs.

Last week a coworker asked me very carefully, 'I know you will need your time to bond but at some point will you...'. She let me know how excited she is for us. She was letting me know that she wanted to respect our needs but also looked forward to meeting our little guys and wanted to know if we would let her know when it was okay. So not to worry, we will certainly let you know when it is okay to meet them, hug them, hold them, etc. We have no idea when we will hit those milestones so we will have to all take it as it goes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your openess and flexibility. The reaction that I have gotten from everyone has really put me at ease with regards to this.

I never expected anyone to discourage our adoption plans but I also never expected the reactions that I have gotten. I have been told "congratulations" so many times! The very first was one day early in the process when we went to someone at work to have a document notarized. Josh had already asked if she would do us this favor and so she already knew what was going on when I walked over. When I showed up at her desk she said "congratulations" so enthusiasticly that it took me by surprise. I expected people to be okay with us adopting. I even expected many to be encouraging. But I never expected this much support. It really has been so much fun! Thank you for that.

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