Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Healthy fear?

So many questions. So many fears. Am I scared? Yes. Wouldn't you be? I'm scared that my kids aren't safe. I'm scared that my kids are alone. Do they believe that adults can be trusted? What about by the time we get there? Will they ever trust again? Its not possible for a child to come through an adoption without scars. (Other than an infant adoption, that's a very different situation where the child has the blessing of never being without a loveing home.) How many scars? How deep? Will they ever heal? I know the reality. I know that there are no promises. I'm scared. Scared for me, scared for them, scared for my marriage. Do I have that kind of strength? Do we? Will I know what to do? When is a cry just a cry and when is it so much more? If you are a biological parent, would you be scared if you knew then what you know now about being a parent? Is it different for us? Or do we just have a better idea of what might be to come. Should every parent-to-be feel at least some fear? Is this similar to the fear that a mother feels if the doctor pauses when he looks at the ultrasound? When she prays desperately for months for the health of her baby? Sometimes I think about the day I walked down the aisle. I would never take that day back, but I had no idea what I was getting into. I was so naive. My understanding only skimmed the depths of the experience that is marriage. So what then is parenting? What then is parenting a hurt little boy or girl? I'm scared. I know this is our path. But the answer is yes.

A person could read these articles and be scared out of ever considering adoption. I hope that articles like this will instead serve to make us more aware as we go into this.,8599,1981872,00.html,9171,1997439,00.html

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