Friday, November 19, 2010

Highs and lows

I seem to alternate between highs and lows lately.

I was so very excited about graduating and was counting the days. Then I learned that my timeline would not be as short as I expected. It is official. The good news is that I do not have to pay tuition again and I do not have to start over. The only thing that has really changed is the timing. It is not the end of the world but I was so looking forward to crossing this off my list. I feel like I have too many big things going on at once.

My biggest highs and lows have come from the adoption process. I feel bad writing about this. I feel like I am just going on and on about the emotional stuff. But at this point that is the majority of it. It seems to be lots of emotions combined with waiting, hurrying up, waiting, hurrying up, waiting, and then waiting some more. Sometimes I wonder about women being emotional during pregnancy because at times I feel so emotional.

I never expected this process to be as difficult as it is. I hate to say this because as I have said before, I really want my writing to encourage people to adopt and certainly not to discourage. But I have to be honest and this is so very difficult.

You hear about the costs and you hear about the waiting. But you don't hear about the wondering, the thinking and rethinking, and the difficult questions.

Would you take an infant?
Would you take a toddler?
Would you take a school age child?
Would you take a teenager?
Are you sure? Are you really sure?
Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

Would you take 1 child?
Would you take 2 children?
You would prefer 4?!?
Are you sure? Are you really sure?
Do you know what you are getting into yourself into?

Would you consider a child with delayed development?
Would you consider a child with a deformity?
Would you consider a child with severe dental problems?
Would you consider a child with fetal alcohol exposure?
Would you consider a child with a scars or birth marks?
Oh, this list goes on and on and on.

They are all very real questions. Questions you have to answer and you have to be realistic. And they are so very very difficult. And then you think and rethink and think them over again.

If you are considering older children you probably look at waiting lists. These are lists of children who are ready to be adopted and are just waiting for someone to claim them as their own forever. And you look at their faces. So many faces.

I think that in many ways it must be easier to adopt an infant. The wait times are normally longer but when the time comes a baby become available and you are asked a simply yes/no question.

This stuff is not for the faint at heart. But perhaps this is as it should be. Children shouldn't come easily.

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