Sunday, November 21, 2010

Some clarity

As you know, this adoption process has been an emotional roller coaster for me. But today I have found some clarity.

For weeks now I have been agonizing over every little detail. I have attempted to control something which cannot be controlled. For the longest time I have said that God knows exactly who are kids are and all we have to do is find them. I have been so worried about finding them. What if I find them too slowly and they have to wait longer than necessary? What if they get hurt in the meantime? What if I don't find them at all? But I had it all wrong. I don't need to find them. God has not placed that burden on me; I placed it on myself. God will bring our children too us. I have to stop looking at every waiting list photo looking for them. I have to stop trying to predict who they are just so I can buy their clothes and toys months before they will ever need them. I have to stop.

Josh has said for a while now that he wants to wait until our i-600 (immigration form) gets approved before we expect to find them. I just wasn't listening. I know what I need to do now but here comes the hard part, I have to do it. I have to let go of control. I have to let go of the control I never had in the first place. I have to trust God. I have to trust God to take care of my kids until we can get them home. I have trust God to bring them to us.

I have to note that this clarity did not come to me as a sudden revelation. Multiple people have come to me to verbalize to me what God has been saying. Yes, I am a slow learner. Perhaps this blog is going to become the "what not to do guide to adoption"? :)

So I want to ask you to pray for me. I know what I need to do but I need your prayers for the strength to let go and trust God. This is so simple and so difficult all at the same time.


  1. Yeah, I know that desire though.
    We were with a different agency when our circumstances changed and we saw our kids on a Waiting Child listing with another agency! It's amazing how things changed so quickly! In our case, I think the Lord knew where our kids were and we were with the wrong agency to get them home - - and that's when their guidelines and timelines suddenly changed without warning! It will happen... and then someday you will look back from the "new normal" and barely remember the way you felt on these days. Hugs, bloggy friend!


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